Three weeks have passed since I was discharged from the hospital. I returned to work that Monday morning, more than a little anxious. Putting on “real clothes” was fantastic. While it was sooner than I really wanted to go back, in order to maximize my remaining disability benefits. Honestly, it was good to go back. It really has been the only ‘normal’ part of my life these last three weeks.
We found out the week before my discharge that our house was mold-infested, affecting the air quality in the house. So I’ve been staying in a hotel for the last three weeks. Mold remediation begins tomorrow, I can’t wait to not be living out of a suitcase soon. It’s been three long months. I really miss the everyday tasks of being a mom. It’s been tough not being intimately involved in every detail of my boys’ lives. On the plus side, I’ve learned to enjoy minimalistic living.
The past few weeks have been filled with doing the things that I missed while in the hospital those two months. I have had special dinners out, gone for long walks on my favorite trail, had a massage that was truly what accelerated the healing process (I have felt ‘myself’ ever since that massage!), and spent hours watching movies with my family on the weekends in my hotel room. I also managed to serve on race committee for a regatta and then got myself into a Sunfish yesterday for a 90-minute sail in what had to be the most perfect conditions.
The first week was hard – I was constantly anxious about picking up some kind of illness that would land me back in the hospital, but I took every precaution I was told to and was just fine. It was also mentally taxing. Assimilating back into ‘real’ life was quite surreal. There were many days when I returned to the hotel room in the evening exhausted and just needed to rest.
At my weekly check up with the oncologist last Friday, I was told that my “blood counts are so good, we are sending you back in the hospital for more chemo.” Huh??!? While it sounds like a contradiction, it really is spot on. I had a repeat bone marrow biopsy last Wednesday, the results of which showed me to be still in remission. But a biopsy cannot detect every cancer cell – there are some that will not be able to be detected. So this “consolidation chemotherapy” will help knock out any of those remaining cells, and keep my marrow clear while I wait for a donor match.
How far along are they in isolating a donor match? Good question. I ask each week at every appointment, and the best I can get is that they have a series of potential matches that are being screened further. It is just a waiting game now.
Song of the day on my radar:
Sail Away, David Gray
The Road Less Traveled 
I love you Sis! So glad you are healing. Coming to NJ next month to see you!
Looking forward to it!!
thank you, Tammy, for posting this — I have wondered often how things were going. What kept you from going home, why in a hotel, and other nosey questions that were really none of my business but that you answered in this blog. And I have sorta been buried in my own miseries and not very good about checking out the rest of the world. My admiration for you grows! After three weeks in rehab I was going stir crazy so I really admire how you maintained your sanity while in the hospital for so long and dealing with so many painful processes. But, I am so glad you get to spend time with the family — I feel sure that Bill, Gavin and Liam have so missed mom! I am also very grateful to hear that you are still in remission and to understand why you have to go back in for more chemo — it makes sense when you explain it!
Tammy, I really think this blog is the beginning of a wonderful book. Your explanations, sense of humor and clarity in explaining what was happening to you physically and emotionally could be so helpful to someone else facing cancer treatment! Give it a thought and line me up to purchase a first edition! Aunt Gail.
Thanks Aunt Gail. It really is just personal therapy for me.