Day 26: Are We There Yet?

On the mend

It was amazing to actually go all night without a fever.  Unfortunately, the transfusion that was held off until the fever broke wasn’t completed until 3:30 am, so I didn’t get to sleep until then.  But when I did . . . it was powerfully good sleep. Even more amazing, was waking up and being able to get up and walk to the bathroom, and still have enough energy to clean up my room that got so messy while I was in fever hell for three days.

The nurses came in to give report at shift change, and there was some good news – all of my counts were up.  White Blood Cell count doubled from 0.2 to 0.4 (YAY!), hemoglobin went from 7.4 to 7.9 (I’d still need a transfusion today because I was below the 8.0 threshold), and platelets were up to 130.  All good signs.  Thankfully the fever still seemed to be kept at bay, though it hovered at 100.2 all day.  There’s still something going on in there.

Cleanliness is next to… 

Late morning, I finally got a chance to be un-tethered from Roger the IV Pole long enough to take a shower.  That might have been the best shower ever.  Okay, maybe not… but it comes close.  I haven’t been able to wash up in two days, because of the fever, weakness and chills.  I felt skanky.  With a capital ‘S’.  What a feeling to be able to put on fresh, clean clothes!

Family visits

My mom arrived for a visit just as I was coming out of the bathroom and I was glad to hop back into bed for a bit, as the pre-transfusion Benadryl was beginning to work its magic.  It was really nice to just listen to her talk about the outside world while I closed my eyes and rested.

Next visit was from the kiddos, and it was awesome to spend some time with them.  Yesterday we read them a book designed to tell children their age about what happens when a loved one has cancer.  I think it went okay, I was really so concerned about using the terms ‘cancer’ and ‘leukemia’ with them, but this book did such a good job of explaining it in a non-threatening way.  More importantly, I always want to be as open and transparent to my boys as possible and appropriate.  They are way smarter than I often remember, and deserve to know why their lives have been completely turned around for the last four-plus weeks.

Hair issues . . . again

After the family left, I put a movie on to try and take up some of my time.  I have noticed over the last few days that my little peach fuzz has been darker and more coarse.  And this morning, the little bits of stubble that remained were now beginning to come out every time I scratched my head.  When I looked at them, I realized that the hairs looked completely dead.  Almost like they were burned.  No sign of the follicle, or the red pigment that I would expect.   The result of the chemotherapy.  I had all of these tiny little bald patches on my head now, and I knew that would drive me nuts.  My nurse offered to shave it off for me and I was totally on board.  She is such a cool nurse – I think she had way too much fun with those clippers!!  🙂  Unfortunately, the clippers don’t go down to bare skin (how the heck do you guys do this, anyway?!?!), so now I have a weird, bald-patchy-commando-head thing going on.  Tomorrow I am going to take a razor to it.  Period.  Enough of this hair issue.

IV line woes… again

Let me just say this for the record: I cannot WAIT to be done with IV’s and needle sticks.  I get blood drawn 3 and 4 times a day these days, and there is something running through my IV line into me 24/7.  And I can’t seem to hold on to a line for more than two days.  I blew one yesterday, and my right arm is now swollen and achy, so one of the nurses came in to replace it yesterday afternoon.  She did a great job, didn’t even feel the needle go in.  Unfortunately, as today progressed, I felt the spot getting more and more tender.  And by the afternoon, it was flaming red and warm to the touch.  Another one bites the dust.  My nurse came in to replace the line, and first tried my right hand.  I screamed.  Literally.  It hurt like MAD.  She pulled it out, even though she had hit the vein.  I was in too much pain.  So she went back to the left side, and managed to get in to the left hand.  One problem . . . I’m left-handed.  So I have this thing sticking out over my knuckle, which makes it pretty much an exercise in frustration to do anything (typing with one hand is no picnic, especially to someone who is an admin by profession!).

So I’m ending the day on somewhat of a grumpy note, just tired of my body being messed with constantly.  The pricks and pokes and medications and nasty mouth rinses and baring my body for more people than I ever thought possible at all hours of the day and night.  Sigh.  It’s getting to be too much.

Today begins month two in the hospital.  And all I can think is, are we there yet?

The song of the day just hit me.  And it’s what I’m going to fall asleep to right now.

Hold On, Wilson Phillips