Day 15: Good Beginning… Not So Good Ending…

Overnight was rough again, the usual fever and chills.  I meant to mention in yesterday’s post that my central line had to be removed in the afternoon, because they suspected that it had become infected.  The culture that returned back gram positive yesterday for Staph infection, led them to believe that it was coming from the catheter in my neck.  It had been quite itchy and bothersome for a few days as well.  I immediately thought – I CAN TAKE A SHOWER NOW!!!  I have not had a shower in 15 days.  I’ve sponge bathed and washed my hair in the sink, but not even remotely the same.  That’s me… trying to find the silver lining in every cloud.  😉

The doctors came in to do rounds, and every one of them said to me, “you look great!”  My nurse said the same thing.  Funny, I really feel like myself today.  For the first time in a while.  I’m pain free, and other than this infection, am feeling energetic and upbeat.   My one doctor (who does the marrow biopsies – aka Dr. Alex) had me laughing so hard that the  resident and my oncologist couldn’t listen to my lungs.  I have such a great medical team.  My oncologist said just a few more days of this and I should be on the uptake.

My counts were encouraging today, too.  WBC count stayed at 0.3 – indicating that I probably hit bottom yesterday, and am in the holding pattern for a few days.  The best news was the platelet count: 31 !!!!  It went from 11 to 31 in one day, after the unit of cross matched platelets was transfused.  YES YES YES!!  Felt good to have some good news., they want to stop giving me so many transfusions, so I don’t build even more antibodies for the future.  I’m still looking good for being home for the boys’ birthday, awesome news.  On target for the biopsy Friday (hopefully!), if not Monday.  I asked about the timing of future courses of chemo, should they go that route over marrow transplant.  It would likely be 4 rounds of a 5 day inpatient chemo.  I might only be home for a week or maybe two before they start the first one.  But, if all goes well and I follow the best case scenario, I should be done and in full remission by my birthday in late July.  What a celebration that will be!

The rest of the morning and afternoon were relatively uneventful.  I had a blood transfusion, so the typical pre-meds were given, Tylenol and Benadryl.  Again… we know what that does to Tammy… she sleeps for HOURS.  (And those of you who email, text and call wonder why I don’t respond… that’s because they keep giving me Benadryl that knocks me out!!).

Had a quiet evening finally.  Was able to catch up on the blog (sorry for those of you who worried… I just literally did not have enough waking time that was free), and get some bills and paperwork done.  I had just posted a blog entry, and was noodling around on Facebook, when I reached up to scratch my head.

I happened to look at my hand when I took it away from my head, and it was filled with hair.  And the mourning began.  I thought I had gotten over the hair loss issue, but it is such a personal thing, and is something that seems to be intensely tied to my sense of femininity.  Every time I ran my hand through my hair, more came out.  The final indignity.  I go to sleep with a very heavy heart.