6:30 am: Woke up so cranky. Don’t think Ambien agrees with me. Took forever to get to sleep, though I think this was more due to the ultimately anti-climactic countdown to the end of chemo (although, thank you to JK for toasting my milestone with a shot of tequila!). Had an awful nurse last night, she was more cranky than I was, and I could tell she just did not want to be here.
8:15 am: Can’t eat breakfast. Reflux and heartburn are just too intense. Thank God I have one of my favorite nurses back on day shift today. She told me to stop refusing the pain meds and get some relief. I decided to not argue. Managed to get up and wash up today, didn’t have enough energy yesterday. Sapped me of all my strength, however. Back to bed for me.
9:30 am: 16 days in the hospital. 12 days since the diagnosis. 1st day post-chemo. Starting to get a little stir crazy. Haven’t seen my kids in days, am just aching to hold them. I know this will sound so strange, but I miss their familiar smell too. And the way one melts into me when he gives me a hug, and how the other one blows me kisses. They seem to be holding up remarkably well, I think better than their mom. I am so proud of those two boys. They are my primary motivation for getting well, and getting back to my normal life.
9:45 am: My oncology team just came in for daily rounds. We reviewed the plan for the day. My WBC count is down to .5, so I might actually be starting to hit bottom a little early (the only time that is actually a good thing!). Dr. B. says that I will stay there for a few days, then we will begin to look for the upswing. There really is hope that I will be home before my boys’ birthday in two weeks. I needed that boost. My platelets are down to 15, so I will be getting another unit of platelets today, and my hemoglobin down to 7.7 again so another unit of blood. The x-ray was clear, no obstructions. This is all just part and parcel of the effects of the chemotherapy. The low platelet count is most likely the cause of the blood in my urine yesterday too. Today, that seems to be resolved.
10:30 am: The pain medication is kicking in, which really helps my attitude. It’s very hard to be positive when the pain is that intense. I’ve been in a bit of a funk the last couple of days, and I am determined to pull myself out of it. Right now, my body is really quite strong, all things considered. It’s fighting the Leukemia so well, even if my brain is not always on board ;). So today I’m going to take it easy – rest, read, watch a movie, listen to soothing music, whatever it takes to get me to that better feeling place. I may not be my usual cheerful self, but I can certainly work towards being at peace.
More later, but for now… a little music motivation:
Paradise (Peponi) – African Version, Coldplay/The Piano Guys
The Road Less Traveled 
Wow Tammy, I love reading your updates and I hope each day gets you closer to getting your old self back, I can’t imagine what you are going through but you are remarkable! Keep it up and spoil yourself today
Tammy – To date I’ve run 10 marathons and have struggled the past 5 years with trying to make it 11, signing up for 3 only and having to bail (for different reasons). My 2nd and 3rd marathon I ran with Team in Training for LLS. And that’s when I met you! You graced the ‘Street Sweepers’ (as we had come to be referred to by our husbands for running at God awful early hours) with your amazing spirit and sales-ability offering to donate part of your PC proceeds to the cause. I have been following your blog and with each post I am more amazed at your grace, spirit and fortitude (although I don’t know why knowing you and your worthiness!) Your motivation song has left me sobbing…with hope, joy, gratitude, and love. (Not to mention it’s a killer running song which I’ll be adding to my ipod.) So with that, I’m going to get out there and run my butt off for both of us. You my friend are a beautiful gift. Thank you for sharing your journey.
You, my dear friend, made me cry too. You have been my cheerleader on Facebook for the last couple of years. Who would have thought back when I met you, that I would become a runner! I still talk about the ‘Street Sweepers’ as my girls. 🙂 I had SO much fun with you ladies at each show. I’m the one who is blessed – to have such amazing friends. Love you much… and keep running for me until I can join you. You still owe me some long runs! Big hugs.
Your Doing Great Tammy!!! I can only imagine how much you are going through, but you are sooo strong inside and out! Keep up the good work, stay positive and you’ll be home soon! Your an inspiration to us all! xoxo
Thank you so much, Lisa! I’m glad you’re my cheerleader!! xoxo
My dear, precious sis. I an in awe of you. I will never be anywhere near the woman YOU have become. You have energy, courage, wisdom, faith, fortitude…Most of my life has been devoted to making it through the day…one more day. You, you have grasped every single ring on every single merry-go-round. I am so sorry for your pain. I know it’s getting rough. But as you say, you have two amazing boys who adore you and need you. You WILL beat this!
On a cheery note, Ian and I got up early yesterday,cleaned house since they were going to show it twice, and dashed downtown for the Cincinnati St. Patrick’s Day parade. OMG, I had no idea that St. Paddy’s day is the biggest holiday here – bigger than ALL the others combined! So Ian is in the “Cincinnati Caledonian Pipes and Drums” band, which is clebrating its 100th year! I marched with the parade, and then the pub-crawl began. We hit all the Irish bars, The band played for free, to tremendous applause, and in return they were given free Guinness and Scotch shots. Wow. Awesome. Hope to post a few pix soonl. Just wanted you to know that while you were laid up, I did the Duffy’s proud!
Funny, but I think the same thing about you. YOU awe and amaze me, for digging deep to hold on to hope for so many years… then finding your true love again. I’m so encouraged by your happiness… you are so very special to me. xoxo