Day 8: Feeling great!

Woke up in a much better frame of mind today. Suffering from the effects of the chemo a little more, however. I’ve been tired, and have lost my sense of taste and appetite. I ordered yogurt for breakfast, and I could have sworn it tasted like drywall spackle. Not that I’ve eaten drywall spackle, mind you…

After my attempt at keeping breakfast down, I did my usual sponge bath. One of the things I miss the most is a nice, long, hot shower. Because of the central line in my neck, I’m not allowed to shower. So took some extra time grooming today, trying to feel a little more feminine and like “me” again. I asked my husband to bring my blow dryer back to the hospital, and tried to do something with the new hairdo, and I think it worked. By the time I was done and had put a little light makeup on, I actually felt like myself again. Sometimes it just takes a little color. 🙂

The doctors made their usual rounds today, and the cytogenetics came back on my repeated biopsy from last Wednesday. Apparently, while I indeed have a subtype of Leukemia with the worst prognosis (acute erythroid leukemia), my cytogenetics came back in the ‘normal’ range – meaning I am in the ‘good’ risk category. The cytogenetics are supposed to help determine the future course of treatment, once my initial 14 day induction period is over (7 days chemo, 7 days recovery/rebuilding immune system). However, because I seem to be a unique case (for those who no me, this should come as no shock)… my doctors cannot decide the next course of treatment yet. They will have to wait until the next bone marrow biopsy on day 14 (March 23/24). I will either be having additional chemotherapy, or will have a bone marrow (stem cell) transplant.

There is one certainty in all this . . . I’m being taught patience. I am not a sit around and wait for life to come to me type of person. Even as I sit here and type, I’ve got music playing in the background, and my foot is tapping out the beat. I can’t sit still. But as a friend of mine said after hearing of my diagnosis, “this is a marathon, not a race.” Great words, perfect analogy. A race is quick, right? A fast burst of energy and an all out push. But by contrast, a marathon requires a change in mindset. It is conserved energy, metered out rhythmically over the miles. An “in this for the long haul” attitude.

As a runner, I’ve run both short distance races and marathons, and one ultra-marathon. I enjoy the challenges of both, but there is nothing like the finish line of a marathon. The energy, the support, the cheering . . . the sense of accomplishment. So for now, I’m hunkering down, being patient and taking it one mile at a time.

Song of the day: I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor