Email to IT

Team,

I am sitting here looking out my window over New Brunswick, and I have a great view in my opinion.  Most people would see a multitude of tall buildings, railroad tracks and office buildings and highways in the distance.  And, while all of that is indeed true, I see it differently.  I see life!  Cars driving by, the train going back and forth carrying hundreds of passengers, people walking along the sidewalk – Life!

Last week, I went for a run at lunchtime.  The plan was two miles, I couldn’t make it past half a mile.  I thought, dang, I am out of shape.  Walked most of the next mile and a half and resolved to get back to regular running….slowly.  🙂 That shortness of breath that I felt on the run did not go away over the next couple of days.  Carrying in my backpack from the car to my office winded me.  And that was a red flag.  I just did not feel like myself.  I was bone weary.

Since losing so much weight a few years back, I’ve been very much in tune with my body.  I know when something isn’t right, and I’ve learned to trust that instinct without thinking twice.  On Friday morning, I came to work as usual and still had that breathing problem.  But with it, a new symptom – left arm numbness.  I, of course, googled heart attack symptoms in women: shortness of breath, insomnia, numbness in the left arm pit/shoulder… and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.  I left the office to go to the doctor, who immediately sent me to the ER.  After a lot of tests and scans of my head and heart (yes… I really do have a brain… I have proof now J), I was cleared of heart attack or stroke.  But my blood work came back with low counts across the board – white and red blood cells, platelets, hemoglobin.  Also known as Pancytopenia.

They admitted me for further testing and for what ended up being three separate blood transfusions, and on Sunday I underwent a bone marrow biopsy (a royal pain in the arse).  Not a pleasant experience, lol.  But thanks to my mom who held my hand through the whole thing while I cried, I made it through.  J  Monday was a waiting game.  And Tuesday morning finally brought some answers.

As you know now, I was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML).  I wish I could say I took it well, but I could not have been more shocked.  Leukemia, really?  I honestly felt like I was picked up and dropped off in someone else’s life.  And then began my journey of learning a whole new language.

That night I was transferred to my current home, the Cancer Institute of New Jersey at Robert Wood Johnson University Medical Center.  I’m going to be here about a month, maybe more.  Well… so the doctor says.  I have different ideas.  😉

My oncologist here at CINJ repeated the bone marrow biopsy yesterday to confirm my diagnosis and further type my Leukemia so as to tailor my treatment plan to my particular needs.  Now I have two pains in the arse… and that was an experience in and of itself.  It was more painful than the first one, and let’s just say that morphine is not my friend, lol!

The current plan is to go through the standard initial treatment of induction chemotherapy.  It will be constant infusion through my IV for 7 days.  This will completely wipe out my white blood cells, and with it my ability to fight any infection or virus.  Please know that, while I want to see you all in the worst way, I need to limit visitors for that reason.  It’s literally life and death for me.  So I will rest for the next 7 days after chemo, and have the bone marrow biopsy repeated on day 14.

Here’s the good news: there is a 70 percent chance that my Leukemia will be cured in the first round of induction chemo.  If not, re-induction and bone marrow transplants will be possible treatment options.  But the bottom line is that my doctor told me last night that “This is curable.”

I’ve already won this.  I think, after four years, you guys know me well enough to know that I’m pigheaded.  I’m strong, a warrior – and I don’t want a single one of you to worry about me for a minute.

Here is what I want from you:  in addition to going home and appreciating your family and loved ones more than ever, I want you to do your jobs.  Yes, I know that’s an odd request.  Why do I ask that?  Because over the last 48 hours, I have had hematologists, scientists, and employees with connections here at my cancer center review my case, offer incredibly valuable insight and literally helped form a plan of action – all members of our ImClone family.

In IT, we often get locked in to our day-to-day jobs.  We install and maintain software, hardware, databases, networks, servers, business systems etc.  I don’t know about you, but I would often forget that I even worked for a company that does oncology research.

But we do.  And what you do is MISSION CRITICAL to DIRECTLY supporting that research.  Your job is every bit as important as one of our scientists doing research at ACLS.  Take a moment and let that sink in, and don’t forget it.  I will never walk through the office doors again without remembering what we do at ImClone as a company – as a family.  We have awesome jobs!

And make no mistake – I WILL be walking through those office doors again.  I am doing great.  I’m in high spirits, strong and ready for this battle.  It will be a while until I get to see you guys in person.  But until then, keep sending out those good thoughts, prayers and healing energy.

And keep changing the world of cancer care.

Much love to all of you,

Tammy